Robot Wars House Robots Battle Royale - Who Would Win

Robot Wars House Robots Battle Royale - Who Would Win

Ahh Robot Wars. This was one of my favourite TV shows ever, a huge part of my childhood. There’s nothing quite like watching two killing machines scrapping in a fight to the death. Like a huge number of kids at that time I was obsessed with the likes of Hypno Disc and Chaos 2 and liked nothing more than a good episode of Robot Wars.

 

The BBC needed something to help them advertise the show as well as act as extra obstacles in the Arena. Enter the House Robots. These machines were not limited to the same rules as the competitor robots, they did not have a weight limit and could have any weaponry they wanted.

 

There were problems though. House Robots had to be destructive but they also had to look good. They couldn’t resemble boxes on wheel like many competitor robots, they needed personality. They all had personality but this meant they weren’t as efficient at destroying things as they could’ve been. Nevertheless they were far more powerful than most of what went into the arena and were the mascots of the show. So in a battle Royale which House Robot would be the last one standing?

 

This will take place in the Robot Wars Arena and Robots will not gang up on each other. I’m going to start by looking at each robot individually so let’s start with the world famous Cassius Chrome …

 

 

Introduced for the seventh wars Cassius Chrome was meant to resemble a boxer. Its weapons were fists that went forwards and backwards like a boxer. It also had a front shovel for pushing other robots. It was 130 cm x 100 cm x 85 cm so it was fairly big and interestingly it was the fastest House Robot with a top speed of 20 mph.

 

Cassius Chrome was an awful House Robot. It weighed 250 kg so while it was heavy it had a high ground clearance and thus could be flipped fairly easily. Not only this its weapons were low impact and rarely caused any significant damage. It’s a terrible House Robot, one you’ve probably never heard of and it better not win this.

 

Next I’ll discuss Dead Metal. One of the original four this is much more like it. It looks great and despite being much lighter at 112 kg it had a wide wheelbase and was thus very hard to flip. Throughout Robot Wars it was only ever flipped once, by Dutch machine Gravity.

 

At 160 cm x 100 cm x 70 cm it is bigger than the dumb Cassius Chrome. It was upgraded from its original model to have far more effective weaponry, it had pneumatically driven pincers to grab a robot and a 3000 rpm circular saw for cutting into armour. The saw was very effective, easily cutting into opponents. Dead Metal was also the fastest of the first four House Robots with a top speed of 12 mph. However Dead Metal suffered with manoeuvrability issues and ended up in the pit four times across the series.

 

Growler was introduced in the Sixth Wars as Mr. Psycho’s pet dog. At the time it was introduced it was by far the fastest House Robot with a top speed of 17 mph. However unlike Cassius Chrome it could do serious damage. Weighing 375 kg it made a very good battering ram and could cause serious damage simply by charging at other robots.

 

It was 152 cm x 130 cm x 76 cm and had hydraulic jaws for a weapon. It should be noted that it briefly had a flamethrower but it was removed as it was very unreliable. Its jaw was capable of exerting four tonnes of force of its victims and Growler was my favourite of the later house Robots. It was however difficult to control and its jaws do not open that far to grab a House Robot, neither did they do a whole lot of damage.

 

Another original Matilda was to start with let’s face it, awful. Yes it looks cool but it had flipping tusks that never flipped anything and a chainsaw, a weapons designed to cut wood in an arena full of metal robots. Matilda was also only 116 kg, had a slow top speed of 8 mph and was only 140 cm x 66 cm x 66 cm. It was often picked on by competitor robots and the robot Razer once crushed her rear armour completely.

 

This all changed when Matilda was fitted with a new weapon. The ineffective chainsaw was replaced with an extremely destructive rear flywheel weighing a colossal 27 kg. Suddenly everything changed. Matilda become perhaps the most destructive House Robot with its flywheel and was actually never flipped after gaining this new weapon. She also had a very tough outer shell and was thus heavily armoured. Matilda was a force to be reckoned with and despite her small size is not to be underestimated.

 

The House Robot that certainly won’t be underestimated is Mr. Psycho. Introduced in the Sixth Wars he weighed an immense 750 kg and was by far the heaviest House Robot. He was also the biggest at 163 cm x 145 cm x 150 cm and despite having a top speed of only 8 mph he had caterpillar tracks giving him excellent traction. Along with his immense size this made him almost impossible to push.

 

Mr. Psycho had a 30 kg hammer that travelled at 60 mph and a hydraulic claw that exerted 9 tonnes of pressure. His hammer often knocked out robots in one hit as it disrupted electric with the force of impact however his claw was an odd shape and didn’t work very well at picking up robots. Despite his size he also wasn’t immune to flipping. He toppled over in German and Dutch Robot Wars and Firestorm once flipped him over in England. However his size advantage makes him extremely powerful and he is the clear favourite to win.

 

Perhaps not a favourite is another original Sergeant Bash. He weighs 120 kg and is 140 cm x 90 cm x 90 cm.  He was also slow with a top speed of 8 mph. He was also the most unreliable House Robot and broke down more times than any other.

 

He did however have an awesome propane fuelled flamethrower as well as a set of pincers at the front. His flamethrower while looking great was fairly ineffective in battle as few robots had flammable surfaces (It worked great on Diotor however) but his pincers were highly effective. Even in series seven his pincers still exerted enough force to crush robots. Unfortunately for the Sergeant he has a narrow wheelbase making him vulnerable to flipping and he once was actually accidently flipped over by Sir Killalot.

 

 Another original House Robot prone to being flipped was Shunt. From the fifth wars onwards the max weight for a competitor Robot was 100 kg, Shunt weighed 105 kg making him the lightest House Robot. He was 130 cm x 110 cm x 70 cm and was easily flipped but could not self-right.

 

His main weapon was hid diamond edged axe which delivered blows at 7000 psi. He also had a pneumatic lifting scoop and a snow plough. His weaponry was underwhelming and caused little damage. In fact if Robot Wars hadn’t been cancelled after series seven he would’ve been redesigned.

 

So were there any positives? Shunt had incredible pushing powered and a strong frame but his biggest benefit was his reliability. Shunt was used for pushing immobilised robots out of the arena and was the workhorse of the Robot Wars House Robots. Okay Shunt is not winning this but I like Shunt for being so reliable. The show would not have worked as well without his reliability for clearing the arena and while not as flashy he was almost endearing in his endeavours.

 

Now for my favourite, the classic and iconic Sir Killallot. I loved this Robot, even today I have his pull back toy in my cupboard. He was introduced during series 2 and was by far the heaviest at the time at 520 kg (Although the show claimed he weighed 280 kg to throw off competitors). He was 120 cm x 120 cm x 130 cm so was also very big and despite being the slowest House Robot with a top speed of 5 mph his caterpillar tracks gave him immense pushing power.

 

His weapons were a spinning lance and his signature hydraulic cutting claw. It exerted a massive 15 tonnes of force and actually once cut a robot in half. Even when robots adapted their armour and got too tough for Killalot to cut he could easily lift over 100 kg and put more robots out of the arena than any other with thirteen. He is also the only House Robot to have never been flipped over.

 

He wasn’t invincible however. He is very slow and he is also top heavy meaning he often fell forwards while carrying a robot. He could always get back onto his track however but his biggest weakness in this fight is probably his petrol engine. He has been set on fire, once by Sergeant Bash although he did use the arena steam vents to put himself out. However he is still flammable and this could be exploited. However Sir Killalot is the most known House Robot for a reason. He’s iconic and powerful and a true force to be reckoned with.

 

So who would win this fight? Sorry Shunt but you’re first to go, theres no way you can cause any damage with your axe and even you can’t push around Mr. Psycho or Sir Killalot. Unfortunately I think Sir Killalot would be vulnerable too. Seargant Bash could set him on fire, and his tracks are exposed meaning they could be damaged and thus putting him out of action. He could however almost certainly lift over Dead Metal, Shunt and Sergeant Bash making these four all defeat able. Sir Killalot is powerful but he is smaller than Mr. Psycho and I don’t see how he could damage the colossus. He would also struggle with Growler as his claw does not open wide enough to grab hold of Growler head on. He could grab his wheels but Growler is fast and manoeuvrable and should be able to easily evade Sir Killalot.

 

Seargant Bash has the problem of his Flamethrower being ineffective for the most part and his pincers not being big enough to grab any House Robot. Dead Metal while tough to take out has a similar problem as his pincers would struggle to grab the biggest house Robots and his saw would not cut deep enough to put them out of action. Cassius Chrome cannot inflict anywhere near enough damage to win this fight, although theoretically his fists could displace Killalot’s track. I think Killalot is too big for Cassius Chrome to bring down however with his underpowered weaponry and he could easily be toppled over by his Lance.

 

The final three are Mr. Psycho, Growler and Matilda. If I had told you one of the original four House Robots would win you would’ve laughed at me but I think you can see where this is going. Yes the once picked on Matilda I think would win this. Her shell would protect her from Mr. Psycho’s hammer and her shape would mean his claw would not be able to pick her up. His track do have protection but her fly wheel had destroyed tough armour before and I think here would be no exception. Her Flywheel would annihilate Mr. Psycho’s tracks and put him out of action. Growler also is the wrong shape for Psycho to grab and he is fast enough to avoid the hammer. Even if hit he is strong and heavy enough to survive. Being rammed at full force could do serious damage to Mr. Psycho or even topple him over if hit at the right angle. So that leaves Growler vs Matilda and I don’t fancy those wheels of Growler surviving the wrath of Matilda’s flywheel. Even if Growler could ram her he would risk having his jaws damaged by the flywheel and his jaws are not big enough to actually grab Matilda.

 

I’m glad to say the winner is the House Robot who used to be picked on by competitors. Yes it’s the matriarch of mayhem herself Matilda.