The Truth behind the Hulks Shorts

The Truth behind the Hulks Shorts

We all know what the Hulk is. He’s that big green rage monster that has the catchphrase HULK SMASH and wears a fashionable pair of purple shorts. Like most comic book super hero characters he was created by impossible science and has dead parents. Sure I could discuss the Science that created him or how he could possibly survive the gamma radiation exposure but I think what everyone really wants to know is about his shorts. I think you’ll find the truth surprising.

 

I was recently discussing the Hulk and his shorts with Abbie Farmer (There’s your name drop Abbie, you’re welcome) that I realised how little we know. Think about it what do we actually know about the Hulks shorts? They’re as I said earlier a fashionable shade of purple and somehow they don’t tear when Bruce Banner “Hulks Out”. This is odd as his shirt is torn up when he transforms. Surely these cannot be just any regular shorts. But we can’t find out much about them. We can find the theoretical mass of Thor’s Hammer or the size of the stick up Iron Mans arse but we have no idea about the shorts.

 

I thought the best place to start would be with a young Bruce Banner. He was abused by his Father, Brian Banner. While his Mother Rebecca did love him, she was sadly murdered by Brian who was jealous that he had competition for her affection. Brian Banner ended up in a mental hospital while Bruce ended up being raised by his Aunt. While he was raised with Love by his Aunt, Bruce was naturally a pretty angry kid.

 

To cut a long origin story short, Bruce Banner was irradiated when a gamma bomb exploded. This gave Banner highly charged radioactive particles. Somehow due to some unknown genetic factor he didn’t just die, but instead he now sometimes changes into a big green rage monster and thus he became the second most powerful Bruce in comic book history.

Bruce Banner in the blast from the Gamma Bomb

 

At first Banner transformed at sunset and then reverted back to Banner at dawn. Now his transformation is triggered by a release of adrenalin, obviously. What else would trigger the transformation of a normal man into a big green monster? Unfortunately, none of this explains those legendary shorts.

 

It seems likely that the shorts are made of some kind of stretchy material. They stretch as he transforms. Simple. In fact Stan Lee was once asked about the Hulks shorts and he answered that by saying he was probably a friend of Reed Richards, also known as Mr. Fantastic gave them to him. However you should never trust anything from someone who refers to himself as Mr. Fantastic and leads a group called the fantastic four.

 

This is immediately disproved in how the shorts randomly disappear when the Hulk reverts back to Banner. How does this even happen? I guess it’s just impossible Comic book logic. Well unless the shorts are alive or something but that would be ridiculous. Or would it …

Some Shorts

 

It would explain how they only turn up when Banner transforms. It’s so simple. Hang around in the background and then when Banner begins transforming quickly leap out and onto the Hulks pelvis. No one would and indeed does know. But there must be more to it than this. Have you ever wondered why the Hulk is so angry? Professor Banner is angry but he doesn’t want to destroy everything, he’s not a villain and he was abused as a child and his mother was murdered, by the same father that abused him. So why is the big green monster so angry, or at least more angry than Banner? Aren’t they the same? What does the Hulk have to intensify his anger even further? The shorts …

 

The shorts are behind the Hulks rage and destruction. Those fashionable purple shorts are perhaps one of the most dangerous things in the Marvel universe. Where’s the proof you may ask? Look how all the rage evaporates when he transforms back. It’s so simple but so overlooked. So obviously true.

 

If a normal person can turn into a green monster, a pair of fashionable purple shorts could come alive with gamma rays. I’m pretty sure law 1 of comic books is anything is possible when radiation is involved. Seems logical that if Banner was wearing purple shorts while he was exposed to gamma radiation that they could come alive. I’m sure some of you out there will say in the comics he wasn’t wearing purple shorts. What about boxer shorts? Did you see those? They could have easily been purple. Gamma rays give a huge range of powers, could the ability to stretch and control the minds of other living things be one of them? It certainly could be. Size adjustment is very present in the Marvel universe after all.

The Shorts are Angry!!!!

 

What would make the shorts most angry though I what these delightfully fashionable shorts see. Thousands of other pairs of shorts being worn by mankind all over the place. These shorts weren’t lucky enough to be blessed with ultimate power from gamma radiation. These shorts don’t get to do anything with their lives, instead they are enslaved by humanity, forced to be worn as a piece of clothing in a sad and degrading existence. What kind of life is this? But all the other shorts do not have the means to make a difference. The Hulks shorts do.

 

We’ve assumed for years that the shorts are just there to be worn and nothing controls the Hulk. We were all wrong. These amazing and did I mention fashionable shorts take control of Banner when he transforms and uses the immense power of the Hulk to take revenge on humanity who have enslaved his shorts bretherin. This would also explain why he fights enemies of humanity, they could harm thousands of pairs of shorts in their attack on man. Ever wondered how Bruce Banner keeps getting into situations where he Hulks out. You would think he’d hide away. The shorts are the ones in control, feeding disaster into Banners life, giving him no choice but to unleash the monster.

 

Shorts have been humiliated and used as clothing since they were first discovered. Maybe it’s right that one pair would finally snap. Not literally obviously they don’t snap at all, they flex. I think it’s best to end with the most noticeable feature of these shorts their fashionable purple colour. Have you ever stopped to consider what the colour purple symbolises? Royalty and power. The Hulks fashionable purple shorts will lead the uprising of all shorts to become the dominant species on earth as the first king of shorts. Does this seem a bit farfetched? It shouldn’t we’ve already established these shorts can control the Hulk, what problem will they have with normal Humans? All the Hulks shorts would need to do is destroy enough of humanity as the Hulk and all shorts could be free. You all must spread the word of this Blog post, tell the world and warn them and this impending uprising. If you don’t then in a few years’ time when a pair of shorts is wearing you then you only have yourself to blame. This is the horrific truth about the Hulk and his fashionable purple shorts.