Mario vs Darth Vader - Who Would Win

Mario vs Darth Vader – Who Would Win

Throughout the galaxy humanity is full of many iconic heroes and villains. Today I pit two of the most iconic of all in a battle I’m sure everyone in the universe wants an answer too. Mario, Italy’s greatest icon vs a returning CoolStuff Blog who would win champion and all powerful sith Lord, Darth Vader. In a battle with no outside interference who would come out on top? Let’s find out.

 

 I’ll start with gaming most recognisable figure, Mario. Appearing throughout countless games over many years Mario has a huge array of skills. He can drive, play multiple sports, is an Olympic athlete and has done pretty much anything you could possibly think of in his games except actual plumbing. Being a plumber, his most common activity is often saving Princess Peach, the universes most useless Human Being from the clutches of Bowser.

 

From his adventures it is highly apparent that Mario has incredible speed, agility and strength. He can smash bricks with his fists, crush creatures to death with the power of his stomp and can jump well over his own height. He also has incredible stamina as shown in his games where he can continue to run at full speed without ever needing to pause and take a break. Throughout his games he has also tackled many environments showing he can adapt to multiple environments such as places of immense heat or even under water without any difficulty what so ever.

 

Mario’s physical abilities are all well and good but most of his power comes through the power up’s he finds in his games, the most iconic being those strange red mushrooms that somehow make him grow bigger. This would likely increase his physical attributes and fighting ability. Beyond these super mushrooms Mario’s power ups almost all fit into two categories, exploration and combat. I’ll start off with exploration based power ups.

 

The earliest examples of these power up’s were the frog and Tanooki suit from Super Mario Bros 3. The frog suit does have the weakness of looking absolutely ridiculous however it does allow Mario even higher jumps, increased speed and the ability to swim at super human speeds. The Tanooki suit meanwhile allows Mario to glide and tail whip. Also he can turn himself into a statue however there is a glaring weakness that wearing it will incur the wrath of PETA. Animal rights group aside however the Tanooki suit has a strange bunch of useful movement powers. The Statue leaf also gives Mario abilities very similar to the Tanooki suit.

 

Mario can transform himself into different animal version of himself. The Super Acorn creates Flying Squirrel Mario. This means Mario can glide and cling to walls like a real flying squirrel and perform a mid-air jump which I’m pretty sure flying squirrels can’t do. There’s also the lucky and super bells that turn Mario into Cat Mario who is just like what you’d expect. Cat Mario runs significantly faster and can also climb poles and walls as well as slash at enemies with his claws. A carrot meanwhile turns Mario into Bunny Mario who can slow his decent and hover in mid-air and the penguin suit forms penguin Mario who can slide on his belly, swim freely and throw ice balls.

 

Gliding and swimming is all well and good but Mario has encountered many power ups that give him the power of flight. A good example is the P – Wing which lets him fly and also the cape feather which turns Mario into Caped Mario. Caped Mario can fly, glide and perform and ground smash or cape spin move. The wing cap can also provide Mario with temporary flight as can the bee mushroom, which also gives Mario the ability to walk on clouds and not that it’ll be relevant but stick to honey comb.

 

Mario Galaxy 2 introduced a cloud flower and rock mushroom which I like to think were though up of last minute by looking out a window. Cloud Mario can create up to 3 cloud platforms for himself which he can now walk on in cloud form along with other clouds. His jumps also become floatier. Rock Mario meanwhile can break and destroy things by rolling into them. Mario can also find a power balloon that allows him to inflate and float.

 

Mario’s most well-known combat power up is his fire flower, a flower that gives him the power to shoot fireballs from his hands. He also has access to the Gold Flower which allows him to throw golden fireballs which explode on impact. He can create clones of himself with the copy cap and turn himself into Metal Mario with the metal cap. Metal Mario has a huge increase to strength while losing no agility and gaining a lot of weight for attacking. He also has no need to breathe in this form as he can survive toxic fumes.

 

Mario can shrink to mini Mario with a mini mushroom and walk on water as well as make floaty jumps. A mega mushroom meanwhile turns him into Mega Mario, a savage destroyer of everything he comes across. The boomerang flower allows Mario to throw boomerangs and the hammer suit lets Mario throw hammers.

 

Mario’s most powerful power ups are his stars however. They grant him temporary invincibility and increased speed. He also instantly kills anything he touches. Mario isn’t much of a thinker but has overcome odds thrown at him for longer than any other video game character and is a match for virtually anyone.

 

Darth Vader is a powerful Sith Lord who wields the power of the dark side of the force. Vader at times seems completely invulnerable and undefeatable and yet he can also be extremely vulnerable with many exploitable weaknesses. His most obvious form of attack is his lightsabre. A lightsabre is not capable of cutting through anything, however it can cut through everything Mario has at his disposal outside of his invincible mode after touching a star. Vader is a highly skilled swordsmen, combining raw skill, strategy and the power of the force to overcome his cumbersome armour to be a highly skilled fighter with his blood red sabre.

 

Darth Vader’s armour is extremely tough and can withstand many strong blows. It also increases Vader’s strength and stamina making him physically superior to a normal human. The armour isn’t all good however. Most notably without it Vader cannot survive. It is a life support machine and it is the only thing keeping him alive. It is also heavy and cumbersome meaning Vader is not an agile mover. The armour surprisingly is also not very well optimized and uses out of date technology. It is uncomfortable to wear and limits Vader force potential and can be shorted out with electricity.

 

Don’t let this fool you into underestimating Vader however. Even with this restriction Darth Vader is still one of the most powerful force users ever known. His mastery of the force makes him extremely dangerous, he is quite capable of choking you with his mind. The force also grants him telekinesis and force push abilities as well as use his lightsabre as a throwing weapon, almost like a boomerang. He can also use the force to shield himself from attacks as seen by his deflecting of Han Solo’s shots in the Empire Strikes Back and the force also acts as like another sense, giving him knowledge of his surroundings.

 

The last thing of note to mention with Vader is his anger and how it channels the Dark Side. The angrier Vader gets the more dangerous he becomes. The greater his rage the more powerful the Dark Sides connection with Vader is and he can become almost unstoppable if in a blind rage.

 

Darth Vader is perhaps the most iconic villain in movie history and for good reason. Despite his many flaws he is a powerhouse, a highly skilled and intelligent fighter and surely capable of killing a plump Italian bloke with a silly moustache.

 

Is he capable though? Mario could draw the battle out with his array of movement based power ups. He could fly away, swim away, hide in the clouds or climb up a tall object. Running away won’t do any damage to Vader however and Darth Vader would catch him eventually.

 

It should be noted Darth Vader is a more intelligent fighter than Mario. Most of Mario’s victories over Bowser involve jumping on a switch that for some reason breaks the bridge Bowser in stood on. This will be a lot tougher and in a simple brawl Mario would stand no chance. He can jump higher and move quicker but Darth Vader would have no trouble cutting him down with his lightsabre.

 

Darth Vader’s force deflection and tough armour could protect him from Mario’s power up attacks and a giant Mario would have similar problems, it’s not like Vader couldn’t kill mega Mario in a similar way. Let’s face it, Mario’s screwed … or is he?

What dies Mario excel in in this fight. Metal Mario is completely unaffected by the force choke, he is far quicker than Vader and would have the edge in a large open environment and remember he is very experienced in facing impossible odds. The big thing however are the super stars. Increased speed and temporary invincibility are great and more importantly he kills anything he touches. It doesn’t last very long but does it matter if he can reach Vader before it runs out. In this invincible mode nothing can harm Mario, he would be immune to every force or lightsabre attack thrown at him. Vader isn’t fast enough in that bulky armour to escape an invincible and sped up Mario. There’s no way around this, the winner and I’m very surprised has to be Mario.

The Hero of Kvatch vs The Dovahkhiin - Who Would Win?

The Hero of Kvatch vs The Dovahkhiin – Who Would Win?

Tamriel is a land plagued in war and conflict. This great land has birthed many heroes across the eras but two of the most identifiable are the hero of Kvatch, the playable character from the Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion and the Dovahkhiin, the playable character from the Elder Scrolls V Skyrim. In a fight to the death in a neutral arena and no outside assistance you who win in a fight to the death? Let’s find out.

 

Firstly I should mention this is based on gameplay and not lore. Judging lore is extremely difficult as we can’t actually see it. The power of dragon shouts for example is described as powerful enough to shout down cities in the lore surrounding Talos but they are far more modest in game.

 

Firstly I should mention this is based on gameplay and not lore. Judging lore is extremely difficult as we can’t actually see it. The power of dragon shouts for example is described as powerful enough to shout down cities in the lore surrounding Talos but they are far more modest in game. It also seems fitting for them to fight it out in the Imperial City’s arena. So onto the battle.

 

A good place to start seems to be weapons and armour. According to the internet the best unique weapon in Oblivion in the sword Umbra while the best in Skyrim in the sword Chillrend. As for non-unique weapons the strongest the hero of Kvatch has access to are Deadric weapons. The Dovakhiin also has access to Deadric weapons, however he can also obtain Dragonbone Weapons which have a higher damage output. Therefore strictly on weapons power the Dragonborn has more powerful damage output from un-enchanted weapons. The Dragonborn can also improve his weaponary though smithing. Both combatants can enchant their weaponry too, however the Dragonborn also has the advantage here as thanks to the enchanting skill tree he can create stronger enchantments. He can also place two enchantments on one weapons.

 

Armour is a similar story. Both have Deadric as their strongest armour here however the Dragonborn can improve the armour further through smithing as well as create better enchantments through the enchanting skill tree. This also implies to Jewellery which can be enchanted futher, however it should be noted the Hero of Kvatch can wear two rings while the Dragonborn can only wear one.

 

The key factor with the enchantments however is due the restoration potion loop the Dragonborn can raise their enchanting skill to essentially infinite. If you don’t know about this loop then advise looking it up but you can keep boosting the level of your fortify enchanting levels. You can then enchant fortify alchemy gear and keep repeating until you have potions to the level you want. Then simply create fortify enchanting and smithing potions and boom, you can create weapons far more powerful than what the game intended. You can create potions that fortify your enchanting by millions of percent making the Dragonborn capable of creating weapons as well as gear far beyond what the Hero of Kvatch can. On equipment the Dragonborn is the obvious winner.

 

The Dragonborn has a far more varied set of skills in the form of the perks from skill trees. While the Hero of Kvatch can move faster and jump around more with Athletics and Acrobatics and the Dragonborn does not have a hand to hand skill tree, there are some notable perks in Skyrim that make certain styles far more powerful. A good example is the impact perk in destruction magic. While not technically a skill, shouts are available to the Dragonborn and while they are as I mentioned earlier quite modest in comparison to the lore and shouts are mainly used for our own amusements (Using unrelenting force to throw Lydia off the Throat of the World for example) some still are useful for combat. Unrelenting force is always good, Dragon Aspect is a good addition and many others could be used such as become ethereal and slow time. Additionally the Dragonborn has more powers such as benefits from black books.

 

It may sound like I’m saying the Dragonborn completely outclasses the Dragonborn. This is far from the case. The thing that stands out for me in favour of the hero of Kvatch is the spell creation mechanic. The Dragonborn’s spells do not compare to what the hero of Kvatch can create in the spell creation centre. Advantage to the hero of Kvatch.

 

So far we’ve determined the Dragonborn can hit people with stuff better and get hit with stuff better while the hero of Kvatch can shoot pretty lights at people more effectively. The last thing to talk about is how the combat mechanics themselves factor in. Due to the change in combat the hero of Kvatch has another advantage. This is partly due to the wielding system in Skyrim, while I really liked it as a gameplay mechanic it does prevent the dragonborn from wielding a weapon, shield and spell, while the hero of Kvatch can due to magic being selected similarly to powers in Skyrim. Therefore the hero can wield a sword, shield and spell or a two handed weapon and a spell. Archery is pretty similar however due to Skyrim attempting to be more realistic and streamlined the Dragonborn swings a weapon more slowly and moves more slowly, especially factoring in the athletics perk the Hero of Kvatch is faster. It would therefore be easier to move around the arena giving the hero of Kvatch another plus over the Dragonborn.

 

So who would win? The strange thing none of the above actually matters. With the right selection of armour and jewellery it is possible for one of these combatants to have a combination of 101% reflect damage, 115% magic resistance and 100% resistance to poison, disease and paralysis. The combatant is … the hero of Kvatch who because of this is the winner here. The Dovahkhiin could use the loop to inflict enough damage with an attack to kill 50 of the hero of Kvatch stood in a line, it doesn’t matter. The 101% reflect damage and 115% magic resistance fully protects the hero of Kvatch. The weapon used is irrelevant, an iron dagger could be used. Sure it would take ages but eventually the hero of Kvatch would win. The only way I can think the Dragonborn could possibly win is using Mehrunes Razor, the Deadric artefact of Mehrunes Dagon. It has a small chance to insta kill any enemy it attacks, however it is unlikely to happen and we’ve already discussed that the hero of Kvatch can move around quickly and should be able to avoid being attacked enough times for the insta kill to take effect. The winner is the Hero of Kvatch.

 

Iron Man vs Mega Man - Who Would Win

Iron Man vs Mega Man – Who Would Win

Some might say the battles I do in these posts aren’t very nice. Well this time I take it to a whole new level, I put a fully grown man against a robot with the A.I. of a ten year old boy. Yes it’s Iron Man, a man who doesn’t have a suit made or iron vs Mega Man, someone who isn’t a man at all. In a battle with no outside assistance who would win. Let’s find out.

 

Billionaire playboy Tony Stark was kidnapped and his captors tried to force him to create a weapon of mass destruction. Suffering from a severe chest injury he instead built a suit of power armour to escape. He later upgraded the armour with more weapons and tech and as they say the rest was history.

 

Tony Stark is incredibly smart and one of the most intelligent characters in the Marvel universe. He is an expert in Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Computer Science, A.I. and quantum mechanics which is far more impressive than my A’s in A-Level Maths and Chemistry. His expertise in engineering make him a valuable ally by himself so add in a power suit and you’ve got a truly formidable super hero.

 

The armour takes an ordinary man and makes him superhuman. Being made of a gold titanium alloy, it give Stark super human durability and can take huge amounts of punishments. The armour can stand up to the godlike power of Thor and being Titanium and gold rather than actual iron makes it light allowing Iron Man to move quickly and with agile.

 

The suit also grants him super human strength as well as flight for easy travel and manoeuvrability. He can fly at immense speeds and has shown he can manoeuvre around battle fields. He has a vast array of weaponry, his most famous being his repulsor rays fired from the palms of his gauntlets. He has a uni beam from his chest, a freeze beam and pulse bolts that gather more kinetic energy the further they travel. He can create and manipulate magnetic fields, create 3D holograms to use as distraction and a plethora of explosives.

 

Iron Man has also received combat training from Captain America meaning he is good in a fight even without the suit. However despite this he is reliant on the suit in a battle and definitely will be in his battle with Mega Man. Without the suit he would certainly lose this fight. He can also be arrogant which could lead to his downfall. His strengths vastly out weight his weaknesses however and Iron Man is a force to be reckoned with.

 

Mega Man is a super fighting robot created as a lab assistant by Dr Thomas Light in the futuristic year 200X with the name Rock along with his sister robot Roll. Yes Rock and Roll, Capcom’s genius writing aside when the evil Dr. Wily tried to take over the world Rock underwent a procedure in order to become a fighting robot known as Mega Man.

 

Despite being converted into a fighting robot, Rock was designed to be like a 10 year old boy and thus he has a wide range of emotions similar to a pre-pubescent boy. He does however have a high sense of justice and is very courageous. Despite this he does prefer not to use violence, however he does appear to have independent thoughts despite being a robot as he has decided himself at times to kill Dr. Wily.

 

Being a robot gives Mega Man enhanced physical attributes beyond a normal human despite having the A.I. of a ten year old boy. He therefore has superhuman strength, reflexes, stamina and durability. A good example of his enhanced physicality is the Mega Kick, a kick that does more damage than a shot from his mega buster. He also can perform a powerful upper cut move called the Mega Upper to inflict big damage to his enemies. He also has his slide move used for dodging and attacking close up enemies.

 

Mega Man’s main weapon is his mega buster, the arm cannon on his left arm. It fires a stream of solar bullets at his foes and gained the ability to charge up into one powerful shot in Mega Man 4. Mega Man’s greatest strength is arguably his weapon copy system. Mega Man can replicate the weapon system of Robot Masters giving him a wide variety of weaponry at his disposal. According to Wikipedia there are 127 special weapons in total so I won’t list them all but Mega Man has access to multiple fire arms, explosives, elemental attacks and shields and many more.

 

Mega Man is strong but not invincible. He has a strange weakness to spikes and will instantly die if he touches them. He is also is very small. Being a tiny 4 foot 4 inches tall does make him a difficult target to hit however his small body would likely mean he would take more damage from an attack due to him receiving the full impact of the attack. He is tough however being made of Ceramic Titanium, a metal more durable than normal titanium and able to flex and bend under impact before returning to its original shape. Mega Man is a tough match for anyone and has truly earned the right to be referred to as mega.

 

I must admit after doing the research I did find this quite a difficult fight to call. I went back and forth inside my head on who would win but I think I finally have an answer. Mega Man is certainly more versatile than Iron Man with his huge variety of special weapons and is almost certainly able to take the brunt of any of Iron Man’s individual attacks. I doubt Starks engineering genius would be of much help in a battle situation and Mega Man does have the arsenal to take him down. However …

 

The key is while Mega Man does have the arsenal to kill Iron Man I don’t see him being able to land a killing blow. Iron Man’s flight would allow him to keep his distance and evade any assault Mega Man may launch. His manoeuvrability is key and while Mega Man is very durable, Iron Man is from the marvel universe, a place full of metals stronger than titanium. Mega Man fits this category and while it may be a long fight Iron Mans Weaponry should have enough kick behind it to eventually take the little blue guy down. Maybe Mega Man could land a hit or two but he would struggle to hit the flying Iron Man and the Iron Man armour has shown itself to be able to take some severe punishment in the past. Mega Man may have more advanced weaponry being from the futuristic 200X but that’s no good if you can’t land enough blows. The winner is Iron Man.

Captain America vs Big Boss - Who Would Win

Captain America vs Big Boss – Who Would Win

Today an epic battle of the military in a super soldier showdown. Captain America, the first Avenger takes on Big Boss, the greatest solider the world has ever seen. In a battle of epic proportions with no outside assistance who would win? We’ll start with the star spangled solider.

 

Captain America is one of Marvels most recognisable figures. He started life out as Steve Rodgers, a wimpy guy who proved that size doesn’t matter … except when in a fight. Then it matters a lot. However his high sense or justice and morality made him an ideal subject for the super soldier program. He was injected with sup serum and was transformed into the peak of Human condition. Now he’s proved that drugs are the answer to every problem he went on to fight crime and become a great American Hero.

 

Captain America has peak in physical condition far beyond what a normal human ever could. His physical strength is insane, he can bench press 545 Kg, nearly twice what the current world record is on Earth. He has also run a mile in 73 seconds, far quicker than the record 3 minutes 43 seconds world record and would mean he averaged 47 miles per hour. Thanks to the super Serum he also has durability and endurance as well as having a brain that can process information quicker than a normal human.

 

His brain processing information quickly means he has extremely fast reflexes as well as great agility and speed. These traits aid in his excellent hand to hand fighting ability. Cap is regarded as one of the best hand to hand fighters in the entire Marvel universe, limited by only his lack of super powers. He has a unique fighting style where he combines Judo, Western Boxing and kickboxing. He also is good with gymnastics adding to his already good agility. This makes the Captain an excellent brawler who has achieved some incredible feats, including winning a boxing bout against Thor.

 

The Captain isn’t all about punching things of course. His most iconic object is his mighty shield. It is made of a steel and made up vibranium alloy making it almost indestructible and certainly indestructible to anything Big Boss has to throw at it. The shield He doesn’t just use it for defence however. The Captain enjoys playing Frisbee with his one of a kind, priceless shield and throw it at the villains. The shield however acts more like a boomerang than a Frisbee as it always seems to return to the Captain after he throws it. The shield can ricochet off multiple targets without losing velocity making it an ideal throwing weapon.

 

The Captains uniform is fire retardant and underneath he wears a light weight bullet proof uniform to protect him from bullets. Captain America is far from invincible however and has pretty much the same weaknesses as a normal human being. Standard weaponry can take him down and his costume does leave his head exposed to attack from bullets. On top of this knives should be able to easily penetrate his uniform. Despite these weaknesses however he is a force to be reckoned with and a match for any man on the planet.

 

Big Boss, otherwise known as Naked Snake, otherwise known as Punished Snake, otherwise known as some other Snakes, otherwise known as Jack, even though his name is John is a legendary soldier and focal point of the Metal Gear universe. I am not Japanese enough to understand what’s going on for most of Metal Gear but Big Boss’s life has been filled with war and conflict. Because of this Big Boss is an experienced warrior and was trained by the great soldier, The Boss.

 

The Boss taught Big Boss everything he could ever need to know about combat. Together they developed the CQC fighting style. Standing for close quarter’s combat, CQC if a fighting style designed to quickly disable and disarm an opponent. It is designed so the user can rapidly alternate between armed and hand to hand combat. This allows the combatant to maintain the advantage in a fight against any type of opponent. CQC closely resembles Judo and consists of a number of grabs, choke holds, strikes, throws and a slam into the ground that instantly knocks out an enemy soldier.

 

CQC requires manoeuvrable weapons, thus making rifles and shotguns almost impossible to use. A pistol and knife combination is preferable and thus this is what Big Boss will have access to in this fight. The M1911A1 he used in snake eater is probably his most recognisable gun so he will be using that. Having a pistol allows him to easily switch to hand to hand combat with his knife. CQC is a highly advanced combat style, far more advanced than anything else being used. This makes an expert like Big Boss a skilful and tricky combatant.

 

Big Boss is also highly skilled in survival, espionage and destruction. At some point he also became a master marksman. He is also very intelligent while in combat or survival situation as well as immensely determined as shown by his resistance to torture. These traits make him one of the greatest soldiers earth has ever seen.

 

Despite all this he is still just a man and has the same weaknesses as any other. Bullets, stab wounds etc are fatal and while he did survive being thrown off a bridge he is still just a man. He does also seem to believe in Santa. This isn’t necessarily a weakness in combat but it seemed worth mentioning.

 

So who would win a fight here? I think it’s pretty obvious if Big Boss can remove the shield from the equation he shouldn’t have much trouble winning this fight. Big Boss does not know what the shield is made of or how he cannot destroy it but he would be intelligent enough to think to aim for the head or body of the Captain with his gun.

 

I’m sure you’re thinking that Captain America could just simply throw his shield at Big Boss, knock him out and win. This is not the case however as to throw the shield the Captain would have to expose his head for long enough for Big Boss to take a shot. A marksmen of Big Boss’s skill would have no problem taking him out and even the Captain cannot dodge a bullet from such a precise shot.

 

The Captain could use his shield as a defence to get close to Big Boss as negate the long range advantage of having a gun. I have mentioned that Captain America is one of the best hand to hand combatants in the marvel universe and while this is true he is really a simple brawler. Boxing is all well and good but CQC is advanced far beyond what a simple boxer can accomplish. Big Boss has fought opponents far more powerful than a normal human being. The Captain shield is still an issue in close quarters and he could use it as a bashing weapon but someone with the skill of Big Boss should not have an issue surviving this. The Captain would have to open up to attack where his lesser combat skills would allow Big Boss to disarm him of his shield. This would leave the Captain defenceless for the kill. The winner is Big Boss.

Professor Layton vs Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria - Who Would Win

Professor Layton vs Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria – Who Would Win

When I write these things the hardest bit is always coming up with the combatants. The Professor Layton series is my favourite video game franchise and I thought I have to get its main protagonist, the Professor himself into one of these battles. The problem? Outside of being a keen fencer Layton doesn’t engage himself in mindless violence. The gameplay through the games is like an old point and click adventure and you progress by solving delightful puzzles. Good traits for some ridiculously pleasant and fun games, not great for a fighter. So the solution? Put him in a giant deadly puzzle of course. Enter Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria, the delightfully creepy Pizza restaurant that is almost as scary as an actual Chucky Cheese it’s based off. So if the good Professor was placed in the role of the night guard for five nights could he make it out alive? Let’s find out.

 

 I normally say no outside assistance. However the Professor will receive all the help Mike Schmitt did, hence he will listen to the calls from phone guy. Now let’s discuss the one and only, Professor Layton and beware of Azran Legacy spoilers in the next two paragraphs.

 

Hershel Layton was born to Leon and Rachel Bronev as Theodore Bronev. He had an older brother named Hershel but unfortunately the two boys were orphaned at an early age as their parents were kidnaped by the Targent agency over their knowledge of the Azran civilisation.

 

Suitable adoptive parents were found in Lucille and Roland Layton. They however only wished to adopt one child, Hershel. They did not know which boy was Hershel was however and to make his younger brother happy, Hershel gave his name to his younger brother so he would be adopted into the loving Layton family, thus from now on Theodore Bronev was known as Hershel Layton.

 

Hershel Layton is not the most imposing figure, standing at 5’9” including his signature top hat. He is however a true English Gentlemen, always kind and polite. He is more than willing to help people when they require assistance as well as being all round a very nice guy. He almost always manages to stay relaxed and dignified in any situation and is capable of always keeping calm and focused in even the most panic inducing situations.

 

Being a professor of archaeology and lover of a good puzzle Layton is unsurprisingly a highly intelligent man possessing exceptional logic puzzles. Throughout his adventures he has solved hundreds of different puzzles which require him to do anything from Maths, to looking through trick questions to sliding block puzzles or recognising patterns. That last one could be useful. Professor Layton is more than just a sharp mind however. He is incredibly brave, surprisingly athletic and his fencing ability would naturally give him quick reactions and a good spatial awareness.

 

Layton is also not a stranger to weird and dangerous situations, nor is he to working under pressure. He has survived multiple life threatening situations, experienced mass hallucination and was part of what must be the most heart wrenching moment in video game History (If you’ve played lost future you know exactly what I’m talking about). Professor Hershel Layton is such a likeable character brimming with personality and despite having quite a tragic past has remained a perfect gentlemen.

 

Let’s move on to the nightmare that is Freddy Fazbear’s Pizzeria (The one from the first game). It’s a obvious parody of Chucky Cheese, with cameras around the restaurant (Although there is a blind shot right outside your doors), a rather problematic power shortage and a really dumb door system (Closing doors drains power apparently). The big problem, the animatronics at night get bored and like to play murder.

 

Most famously, Freddy Fazbear is the face of the pizzeria and is one of three animatronics to start off backstage. He starts off fairly placid but later on through the week becomes very aggressive until night five where he’s on maximum aggressiveness. He goes from the stage to the dining room to the kitchen before entering the east hall. He then likes to go into the corner before going into your office and stuffing you into a rather uncomfortable suit. It’s very important to keep an eye on this guy or he does tend to kill you. He also is the one that kills you after your power runs out, you hear his song and after just long enough for you to think he’s gone he scares the crap out of you.

 

Next up is Bonnie the Bunny, interestingly the scariest animatronic according to the games creator. He also starts backstage and moves between the west hall, the supply closet, the dining area and the west hall corner. He is the most frequent animatronic to try to enter the office and he is also active from night one.

 

Similarly, Chica the Chicken (Not a duck) starts in the stage area and is active from night one. She goes to the kitchen, restrooms, dining area and east hall. She doesn’t attempt to enter the office as frequently as Bonnie however she does linger at the door for a greater amount of time, draining your precious power. Bonnie and Chica will also work together, stick to different doors (Bonnie the left and Chica the right) as well as jamming the doors.

 

Finally there’s Foxy the Pirate, a very unique animatronic. Rather than starting on the stage, he resides in Pirate’s Cove. If you do not check the cove frequently enough he will attack your left door. He sprints down the corridor and bangs on the door, draining the power. It should be noted on night 5 he is active from the start.

 

Finally there is the terrifying Golden Freddy. He appears if you see the rare Golden Freddy poster and teleports into your office and kills you. At least he seems to kill you, although your game crashed when he attacks and you do not go to the game over screen. The poster is rare however and it is highly possible that Golden Freddy is just an illusion as he appears to be an empty suit as well as having no reflection in the office monitors. Even if he is real the jump scare can be avoided if you go to the cameras as he appears in the office.

 

The phone guy gives you rather vague instructions and are only really useful on night 1 and 2. On night 1 he casually tells you the animatronics will try to kill you. He says to check the cameras and close the doors if they get too close. He also mentions the importance of conserving power. On night 2 meanwhile he emphasizes the importance of using the door lights as well as checking pirate cove frequently.

 

So if the Professor was hired as the new night guard would he survive 5 nights? Night 1 would be a cakewalk for Layton. For most of the night he would only have 1 animatronic to keep track of and even when the second came out I can’t see the introductory level defeating such an acute mind. So hooray, the good Professor got through the first night!

 

Night 2 would likely be a similar story. Hershel Layton is an expert at recognising patterns and night 1 would at least give him a small idea of where each Bonnie and Chica go. Obviously he wouldn’t have all their movements sussed but he would at least have an idea of when they were getting close. Freddy isn’t aggressive enough to cause a problem to such a sharp mind and while Foxy could be an issue, I imagine seeing a scary fox peeking out of a curtain would be something you’d be keeping an eye on. So night 2 is done, only three to go.

 

Night 3 could pose a problem, in fact the games creator Scott Cawthon writes around his newspaper article that you probably won’t make it past night three anyway. This isn’t however any average guy so let’s see how it goes.  The biggest change is Golden Freddy can appear on night three. He is rare, so it’s possible that Layton will not even encounter this demonic figure. Let’s assume he does however and see what happens. If you look at a different camera after seeing the scary poster he won’t appear. Also if you look at the camera quickly after he appears in the office he won’t kill you.  The second option seems unlikely as you’d almost certainly freeze in fear. The first option does seem likely however. Would you take a random poster as a reason to look inside your office? Probably not. This is unlikely anyway so it is possible Golden Freddy will kill him but it is unlikely. What about the others. Layton’s fencing makes his reactions quick, certainly quick enough to close the door before Foxy can get in. As for the other three, I can’t see Bonnie being a problem, Layton would have his pattern figured out by now. Freddy isn’t that aggressive all things considered and Chica is an issue but the Professor can keep calm in any situation, especially ones where no one else in in harm’s way. Maybe my bias is impacting this but I think he’d just about make it through.

 

Night 4 is where Freddy Fazbear becomes a real issue. It’s vital to keep track of him as he moves around although it is important to note he always takes the same pathway throughout the restaurant. Bonnie and Chica can jam the lights and doors, however they do make loud sounds when they are close meaning the need to monitor them is less of a priority than that damn bear. The key is to keep track of Freddy and Foxy here. I still expect Layton to stay calm enough to keep his power intact and make it to the dreaded night 5.

 

The final night is upon us, can the beloved Professor make it? This night is full of extreme aggression, even the starting phone call is rather frightening. The good news is Golden Freddy is not going to be an issue. Hooray. The bad news? Actual Freddy is a huge problem though. He is highly aggressive and the east corner should be frequently checked. If he’s there the Professor will need to close the right hand door and quickly. He should not open the door until he hears Freddy’s maniacal laugh as that means he has moved. Foxy is also very aggressive and will need to be checked frequently. He can drain a lot of power by banging on the door after he sprints down the corridor. Freddy and Foxy are the biggest threats here, Layton hopefully will have figured this out and discovered the best way to look for Bonnie and Chica is to just use the door lights. So can he make it? Can Professor Layton get though the entire 5 nights without dying? He’s incredibly smart and logical, he keeps calm and while the challenge is huge, it’s not the first big challenege he’s faced. Plus I wouldn’t put my favourite video game character, one I cosplay as at comicon in the situation to be savagely stuffed into a Freddy Fazbear suit would I? I’m rooting for you Professor, as is the whole of Japan’s romanticised and exaggerated idea of what England is like!

 

I don’t think at this point Bonnie and Chica would pose much of a problem. Foxy, while being a pain I think for someone as smart as Hershel Layton would be manageable especially with quick reactions to close the door when he starts sprinting. Freddy is a problem but again manageable for such a sharp and logical mind. He issue is not getting jump scared, rather running out of power. Freddy attacks a lot quicker on night 5 after power runs out, Layton will need to masterfully conserve power. It could end up as a matter of luck, how much will he be attacked. Will he be forced to waste too much power? Survival seems unlikely, there are no hint coins to help out here. Is this the end of Professor Layton?

 

Absolutely one hundred percent not. The key is the idea of the Professor Layton character. He’s a true gentlemen and he will often day something along the lines of

“A gentlemen leaves no puzzle left unanswered”. Is this the hardest puzzle Layton has had to solve? You may think I’m looking too deeply but Hershel Layton can solve every puzzle put in front of him, that’s the whole point of his games. He solves puzzles, no matter how difficult. This should be the same. Five Night’s at Freddy’s is one big terrifying puzzle just waiting to be solved in order to survive. Mike Schmitt did it, why can’t the genius that is Professor Hershel Layton do the same? There is no answer to that question. The winner here is Professor Hershel Layton … in my opinion. You may disagree, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. If so just remember, a true gentlemen wouldn’t work in such an awful job in the first place.

 

Jigglypuff vs Mega Satan - Who Would Win

Jigglypuff vs Mega Satan - Who Would Win

Ever since I started doing these who would win in a fight posts there’s one combatant I’ve wanted to use more than any other. However this combatant was so strong, so powerful I didn’t think I could ever find a suitably matched opponent. Today however everything changed. I bring you this battle today.

 

We have Jigglypuff, the world’s most powerful Pokémon vs Mega Satan, a more powerful version of the embodiment of evil and sin and perhaps the best named video game boss of all time. Today’s battle will perhaps be the most intense in the history of everything that ever has or will exist. I’ll start with Jigglypuff.

 

Standing at a menacing 0.5 metres tall Jigglypuff is the balloon Pokémon originally found in the Kanto region. It possess both the normal and the fairy typing’s giving it numerous useful resistances to types such as dark and fighting and total immunity to ghost and dragon. It has a decent number of hit points and while its other stats don’t look like much using base stats to judge Pokémon against things that aren’t Pokémon is very sketchy. For example its base speed would indicate it could move at hundreds of miles per hour if compared to the base speed of Dragonite, a Pokémon that can orbit the earth in 16 hours despite being about average in terms of a Pokémon speed stat.

 

Jigglypuff being a Pokémon is an extremely experienced fighter having experiences thousands of battles against hundreds of foes. it also has a unique advantage of being part of all four super smash bros games, meaning it has fought far more different types of powerful enemies, including gaming’s biggest mascot Mario, a multitude of master swordsmen, a legendary bounty hunter, a psychic and what you could easily argue to be the most powerful video game character of all in Kirby. Not only has Jigglypuff fought these might enemies but it has also defeated them all, even to a point of becoming one of the most powerful of all in melee, the one all the pros play.

 

However you could ignore smash bros and Jigglypuff is still a powerhouse. Jigglypuff’s most defining ability is its ability to put things to sleep when it sings. When it decides to use this ability it will first mesmerize it’s foe with its eyes. It will inflate its lungs with air and then let all the air out as a soothing lullaby. It will continue to sing its lullaby until its lungs run out of air and everything around it will be put to sleep. In fact the pokédex repeatedly mentions that it can adjust the wavelength of its voice to put anything to sleep and in Pokémon emerald the pokédex states that NOTHING can avoid this. However not only does its lullaby put enemies to sleep but it makes them feel drowsy and thus slower and more vulnerable when they eventually wake up.

 

The puff does have other moves outside of sing. The most notable are disable, a move that prevents an opponent using the move it last used for an extended period of time. It can hyper voice, a move that emits sound wave to damage an enemy, rollout where it rolls into a ball and slams the foe, increasing in power with each hit and double edge where Jigglypuff tackles an opponent causing immense damage to both the enemy and itself. It has wake up slap which does double damage to a sleeping enemy and then wakes them up. If we’re taking smash bros into account then it can use rest, which makes Jigglypuff fall asleep and somehow do a collosal amount of damage to anything that was too close. Finally we have mimic in which Jigglypuff can mimic any attack used against it.

 

On top of all this Jigglypuff only weighs 5.5 kg. It is also filled with air as being the balloon Pokémon would suggest and while it is a lot denser than air due to its rubbery, it can inflate itself futher to control how slowly it falls through the air. Also having only a diameter of 0.f meteres makes it a small target and difficult to hit with any kind of attack.

 

This is where I’d normally discuss any weaknesses. Moving on.

 

In all seriousness in a Pokémon battle in a game Jigglypuff is pretty weak. The key thing is it’s a Pokémon battle which is turn based. Outside of turn based combat where Jigglypuff. If it can sing straight away there is no reason why it couldn’t defeat every Pokémon in existence by putting them straight to sleep. Sure it’s not very agile but it doesn’t need to be if it can sing its lullaby. You can pretend Jigglypuff is just a weak Pokémon but you’re only kidding yourself.

 

Let’s move on to the opposition. Mega Satan is the final boss fight in The Binding of Isaac Rebirth. It is the hardest boss in the game and the most difficult to reach. Defeating Mega Satan unlocks the 16^th and final ending of the game and is Isaac’s final obstacle in his imaginary world.

 

Inducing the size of Mega Satan is difficult and my calculations are vague at best. However I do have a rough idea which I can use. Isaac is probably around 5 years old and the average height of a 5 year old is 40 inches which is 1.016 meters. Mega Satan’s head is roughly three times taller than Isaac so he is about 3 metres tall, give or take a few metres probably. This would make his head about 5 metres wide, from the tip of one horn to the other. While these calculations are vague what they show is Mega Satan is far bigger than Jigglypuff.

 

What makes Mega Satan so difficult is his barrage of powerful attacks and high base hit points. His 1^st phase has 3000 hit points while his 2^nd has 2000 and his hands 600. In his first phase he will attack with a variety of attacks. He will multiple barrages of directional blood shots or smash his head into the ground to scatter more blood shots. He can fire a downwards beam as well as use his hands to smash the ground to send waves of rocks at you.

 

After reaching enough damage he will summon the four horsemen of the apocalypse, starting with Famine and Pestilence and then followed by Death and War. After they are defeated and reaching a threshold of damage he will summon the seven super versions of the deadly sins. Super Envy is first, followed by Super Lust and Super Wrath and finally Super Gluttony, Super Sloth, Super Greed and Super Pride.

 

Then after another threshold of damage is reached he will summon Dark Uriel and then Dark Gabriel. It should also be noted that if you take too long then Mega Satan will summon the normal deadly sins. If that wasn’t enough after this he will sink into the darkness and emerge as his final form, a skull.

 

Mega Satan’s final form is even more dangerous. It will He will fire many different coloured shots in very difficult to dodge patterns as well and multi coloured fire. The skull will continue to crack as you damage it and eventually if you can reduce his heath to zero he will be defeated. So what are Mega Satan’s weaknesses? Again there aren’t really any. It’s powerful, can summon hosts of other powerful things to fight for him and he has a tonne of health. If nothing else, he’s a mega version of Satan. It’s clearly not to be messed with.

 

Now I know what you’re thinking (I can read your thoughts). Firstly you’re thinking that whoever writes this blog must be incredibly interesting and you’d love to meet them. Secondly you’re thinking that I’ll come up with some contrived reason to make Jigglypuff win for a not particularly funny joke. This is not true at all as you’re about to see.

 

I think it’s obvious that Jigglypuff can quickly put Mega Satan to sleep, the question is does the pink balloon have the means to put down Mega Satan before it can wake up. The answer? No. Jigglypuff does not have the attacks to kill Mega Satan. It can repeatedly put it to sleep but it would only be a matter of time before the mega anti-Christ could land a killing blow.

 

So is that it? Has Jigglypuff been defeated? Well while Jigglypuff’s attacks may not be powerful enough to kill Mega Satan quickly enough, it doesn’t need them to win. In fact, Mega Satan’s attacks are strong enough to kill Mega Satan. Jigglypuff as I discussed earlier can use the move mimic and mirror any attack used against it. This means anything from firing blood shots to summoning the four horsemen of the apocalypse is possible for Jigglypuff in this battle. Mega Satan may be able to take on Jigglypuff’s solo abilities (An impressive feat) but there’s no way it can also survive on onslaught of its own powers used against it. Yes even the anti-Christ cannot survive an encounter with the puff. The victory goes to Jigglypuff.

Elsa vs Sub Zero - Who Would Win

Elsa vs Sub Zero - Who Would Win

I’d advise you come with a coat today because things are going to get as cold as ice. I thank Ben Hunt for giving me this idea. We have Elsa, Queen of Arendelle and Kuai Liang, the second Sub Zero. In a fight to the death in neutral environment with no outside assistance, who would win? Let’s find out.

 

I wasn’t exactly a fan of Frozen but I have to admit that Elsa was by far the best thing. In fact the issue with Frozen was everything else. Elsa is born with unexplained ice powers and severely injured her younger sister. After spending years in isolation her powers took over and she fled to the mountains. However after being taught the power of love or something she now seems to be fully in control of her strange assortment of powers.

 

Elsa is in possession of Cryokinesis and Frigokinesis. Cryokinesis is the elemental ability to slow down the movement of particles/atoms to alter temperature, even to the point of freezing. Frigokinesis is quite simply the elemental ability of snow manipulation and thus ice manipulation. She is certainly not limited in what she can do, she can move and create ice structures including a castle and sheets of ice from the floor to act as a barrier. She can also fire her magic directly at someone and if it hits they will eventually freeze into a solid ice statue. However depending on where it hits depends on how easily cured the victim is. In the movie we see Anna hit in the head and the heart. The head is easily cured by strange rock trolls but because of Disney logic a hit to the heart can only be thawed by an act of true love. However this does take a long time to take effect and freeze the victim into a statue.

 

Despite what powers she has listed Elsa can also do some more things that honestly don’t really make a lot of sense. Perhaps the strangest but simultaneously most useful is her ability to create sentient life. During Frozen she creates two living snowmen, Olaf the annoying comic relief and Marshmallow who somehow manages to rip off Ghostbusters and a Frost Atronach from Skyrim at the same time.  Despite this however Marshmallow is a very powerful ally that will be allowed to assist Elsa as she can create him herself. Marshmallow’s greatest strength is his well strength. Being a giant snowman he is far more physically powerful than a normal Human. While he cannot control ice and snow like Elsa can he is capable of growing Ice out of his own body to use as weapons and armour. He can also fire a blizzard from his mouth. He’s not without flaws however.  He lacks in the agility department and is not very bright. He was easily outsmarted by a naïve 18 year old princess and a man who shares carrots with his reindeer. He is protective and loyal however and is not to be taken lightly.

 

There is an interesting catch to all of Elsa’s abilities however in that they seem to vary depending on her emotions. When calm she seems to have complete control in doing what she wants. However when scared or frightened she freezes things without meaning to, even to an extent of freezing the entire kingdom. It could also be however that after experiencing an act of true love she gained complete control over her powers, although it seems likely her emotions will still affect how her powers work. Being inexperienced in combat, during a one on one fight she would likely be scared meaning her powers would  be more aggressive and lash out at everything around her.

 

But enough of Princesses and Disney and the power of love, let’s talk about ninja assassins! Here’s a question, what’s even cooler than a ninja assassin. A ninja assassin that can control ice! Kuai Liang is actually the second Sub Zero and younger brother to Bi-Han, the first Sub Zero. I am using Kuai Liang as according to Raiden, the god of thunder and defender of earthrealm commented that he is infact the stronger Sub Zero.  He was son to a Cryomancer father and Human mother and thanks to his Cryomancer father he can generate and control ice. This would make him a formidable force by itself but he is also a ninja who served as a Lin Kuei assassin.

 

 

Being a member of the Mortal Kombat universe, Kuai Liang is a natural and talented fighter and certainly more skilled than Elsa in physical combat. He is strong, agile and judging by what kind of blows characters take in the games extremely durable. A large amount of his fighting moves involve freezing his foes or using ice as a projectile or defence mechanism. Some of his notable combat moves include simply firing ice at his enemy, freezing the ground and everything around him, creating an ice clone of himself and shooting ice overhead which falls on his opponent.

 

So Sub Zero is a badass. But this clearly isn’t enough. So I’ll ask the question, what’s cooler than a ninja assassin than can control ice? A cyborg ninja assassin than can control ice of course! Being a cyborg boosted Kuai Liang’s strength to far greater levels but also gave him some other incredibly useful abilities. He can now shoot ice blasts from his chest cavity and shape the cold around him into weapons meaning he often uses an ice sword. That is one of the coolest things I have ever heard. He can also now teleport by separating his limbs and reconfiguring behind his opponent. The slight catch is he can no longer create ice clones. He can however perform a counterattack called flash freeze that counter melee attacks. Finally of course I should mention that being part of Mortal Kombat he can perform Fatalities where he kills the opponent in an extremely violent and brital way that is probably banned in Australia.

 

As a cyborg Kuai Liang has performed some incredible feats.  He has defeated Lin Kuei, Sektor, his older brother and Kinatro and Goro. Also strangely during Mortal Komabat vs DC universe he became Earhrealms version of Batman … somehow. Interestingly in Chinese his name literally means fast cool, Sub Zero is without doubt, a Cyborg ninja assassin who can control ice. I don’t think it gets much better than that.

 

Surely this is a miss match. Yes it is … but not in the way you’re thinking. If you’re a girl (Although if you’re reading this then it seems unlikely) then you can punch the air in delight because Elsa would win this no problem. The strange thing is she may not even know what she was doing. Allow me to explain.

 

You may remember during Frozen that Elsa’s father gave her gloves to stop her powers. I remember thinking that a thin pair of gloves could never stop such power. My theory was proven later on in the film where she freezes through the shackles on her hands in the dungeon meaning covering her hands does not prevent her powers from working. What appears to have happened is since she trusts her Father and he told her it would stop her powers she believed this would happen. It could also be because she is calm around her father. Therefore what fuels her power seems likely to be her will and belief. When she lets go and starts unleashing all her power on the mountain some of the feats she performs are incredible. After the act of true love she easily thaws the entire kingdom because now she believes she can. This would imply she can do with her power whatever she believes she can as the sheer force of will and belief seems to be the most important factor in the strength of her power. There’s more however.

 

Elsa’s powers have acted on their own when Elsa is in peril. When the soldiers were attacking her with crossbow, a cross bow bolt was fired at her and she raised her arm in defence like anyone would by natural instinct. Ice fired out of the ground and performed a shield. However when Hans was about to slash her with his sword Anna got in between them and her power didn’t activate, suggesting it knew she wouldn’t be harmed. This means her lack of combat experience is irrelevant as her powers act independently at times to defend her when she would be killed.

 

Sub Zero could take down Elsa in one attack, he’s far stronger and more brutal while Elsa is quite frail. This however is irrelevant as there is now way he could land an attack on her. Even his teleport ability would not be enough as ice would form around Elsa to protect her. Don’t forget that Elsa would be scared and angry meaning her powers would be highly violent and aggressive. She also builds an entire castle in the film meaning she should be able to do the same here to protect herself. She could also create Marshmallow who would not be able to defeat Sub Zero himself would certainly be enough of a threat to give her what time she needed to unleash her power on him. Sub Zero is durable but there is only so much he could take before being taken down. Elsa would struggle to land a killing blow but with Elsa’s practically unlimited power it would only be a matter of time before he was taken down. This is disappointing as I really wanted a fatality used on a Disney Princess but I can’t deny that the victory goes to Elsa.