Robot Wars House Robots Battle Royale - Who Would Win

Robot Wars House Robots Battle Royale - Who Would Win

Ahh Robot Wars. This was one of my favourite TV shows ever, a huge part of my childhood. There’s nothing quite like watching two killing machines scrapping in a fight to the death. Like a huge number of kids at that time I was obsessed with the likes of Hypno Disc and Chaos 2 and liked nothing more than a good episode of Robot Wars.

 

The BBC needed something to help them advertise the show as well as act as extra obstacles in the Arena. Enter the House Robots. These machines were not limited to the same rules as the competitor robots, they did not have a weight limit and could have any weaponry they wanted.

 

There were problems though. House Robots had to be destructive but they also had to look good. They couldn’t resemble boxes on wheel like many competitor robots, they needed personality. They all had personality but this meant they weren’t as efficient at destroying things as they could’ve been. Nevertheless they were far more powerful than most of what went into the arena and were the mascots of the show. So in a battle Royale which House Robot would be the last one standing?

 

This will take place in the Robot Wars Arena and Robots will not gang up on each other. I’m going to start by looking at each robot individually so let’s start with the world famous Cassius Chrome …

 

 

Introduced for the seventh wars Cassius Chrome was meant to resemble a boxer. Its weapons were fists that went forwards and backwards like a boxer. It also had a front shovel for pushing other robots. It was 130 cm x 100 cm x 85 cm so it was fairly big and interestingly it was the fastest House Robot with a top speed of 20 mph.

 

Cassius Chrome was an awful House Robot. It weighed 250 kg so while it was heavy it had a high ground clearance and thus could be flipped fairly easily. Not only this its weapons were low impact and rarely caused any significant damage. It’s a terrible House Robot, one you’ve probably never heard of and it better not win this.

 

Next I’ll discuss Dead Metal. One of the original four this is much more like it. It looks great and despite being much lighter at 112 kg it had a wide wheelbase and was thus very hard to flip. Throughout Robot Wars it was only ever flipped once, by Dutch machine Gravity.

 

At 160 cm x 100 cm x 70 cm it is bigger than the dumb Cassius Chrome. It was upgraded from its original model to have far more effective weaponry, it had pneumatically driven pincers to grab a robot and a 3000 rpm circular saw for cutting into armour. The saw was very effective, easily cutting into opponents. Dead Metal was also the fastest of the first four House Robots with a top speed of 12 mph. However Dead Metal suffered with manoeuvrability issues and ended up in the pit four times across the series.

 

Growler was introduced in the Sixth Wars as Mr. Psycho’s pet dog. At the time it was introduced it was by far the fastest House Robot with a top speed of 17 mph. However unlike Cassius Chrome it could do serious damage. Weighing 375 kg it made a very good battering ram and could cause serious damage simply by charging at other robots.

 

It was 152 cm x 130 cm x 76 cm and had hydraulic jaws for a weapon. It should be noted that it briefly had a flamethrower but it was removed as it was very unreliable. Its jaw was capable of exerting four tonnes of force of its victims and Growler was my favourite of the later house Robots. It was however difficult to control and its jaws do not open that far to grab a House Robot, neither did they do a whole lot of damage.

 

Another original Matilda was to start with let’s face it, awful. Yes it looks cool but it had flipping tusks that never flipped anything and a chainsaw, a weapons designed to cut wood in an arena full of metal robots. Matilda was also only 116 kg, had a slow top speed of 8 mph and was only 140 cm x 66 cm x 66 cm. It was often picked on by competitor robots and the robot Razer once crushed her rear armour completely.

 

This all changed when Matilda was fitted with a new weapon. The ineffective chainsaw was replaced with an extremely destructive rear flywheel weighing a colossal 27 kg. Suddenly everything changed. Matilda become perhaps the most destructive House Robot with its flywheel and was actually never flipped after gaining this new weapon. She also had a very tough outer shell and was thus heavily armoured. Matilda was a force to be reckoned with and despite her small size is not to be underestimated.

 

The House Robot that certainly won’t be underestimated is Mr. Psycho. Introduced in the Sixth Wars he weighed an immense 750 kg and was by far the heaviest House Robot. He was also the biggest at 163 cm x 145 cm x 150 cm and despite having a top speed of only 8 mph he had caterpillar tracks giving him excellent traction. Along with his immense size this made him almost impossible to push.

 

Mr. Psycho had a 30 kg hammer that travelled at 60 mph and a hydraulic claw that exerted 9 tonnes of pressure. His hammer often knocked out robots in one hit as it disrupted electric with the force of impact however his claw was an odd shape and didn’t work very well at picking up robots. Despite his size he also wasn’t immune to flipping. He toppled over in German and Dutch Robot Wars and Firestorm once flipped him over in England. However his size advantage makes him extremely powerful and he is the clear favourite to win.

 

Perhaps not a favourite is another original Sergeant Bash. He weighs 120 kg and is 140 cm x 90 cm x 90 cm.  He was also slow with a top speed of 8 mph. He was also the most unreliable House Robot and broke down more times than any other.

 

He did however have an awesome propane fuelled flamethrower as well as a set of pincers at the front. His flamethrower while looking great was fairly ineffective in battle as few robots had flammable surfaces (It worked great on Diotor however) but his pincers were highly effective. Even in series seven his pincers still exerted enough force to crush robots. Unfortunately for the Sergeant he has a narrow wheelbase making him vulnerable to flipping and he once was actually accidently flipped over by Sir Killalot.

 

 Another original House Robot prone to being flipped was Shunt. From the fifth wars onwards the max weight for a competitor Robot was 100 kg, Shunt weighed 105 kg making him the lightest House Robot. He was 130 cm x 110 cm x 70 cm and was easily flipped but could not self-right.

 

His main weapon was hid diamond edged axe which delivered blows at 7000 psi. He also had a pneumatic lifting scoop and a snow plough. His weaponry was underwhelming and caused little damage. In fact if Robot Wars hadn’t been cancelled after series seven he would’ve been redesigned.

 

So were there any positives? Shunt had incredible pushing powered and a strong frame but his biggest benefit was his reliability. Shunt was used for pushing immobilised robots out of the arena and was the workhorse of the Robot Wars House Robots. Okay Shunt is not winning this but I like Shunt for being so reliable. The show would not have worked as well without his reliability for clearing the arena and while not as flashy he was almost endearing in his endeavours.

 

Now for my favourite, the classic and iconic Sir Killallot. I loved this Robot, even today I have his pull back toy in my cupboard. He was introduced during series 2 and was by far the heaviest at the time at 520 kg (Although the show claimed he weighed 280 kg to throw off competitors). He was 120 cm x 120 cm x 130 cm so was also very big and despite being the slowest House Robot with a top speed of 5 mph his caterpillar tracks gave him immense pushing power.

 

His weapons were a spinning lance and his signature hydraulic cutting claw. It exerted a massive 15 tonnes of force and actually once cut a robot in half. Even when robots adapted their armour and got too tough for Killalot to cut he could easily lift over 100 kg and put more robots out of the arena than any other with thirteen. He is also the only House Robot to have never been flipped over.

 

He wasn’t invincible however. He is very slow and he is also top heavy meaning he often fell forwards while carrying a robot. He could always get back onto his track however but his biggest weakness in this fight is probably his petrol engine. He has been set on fire, once by Sergeant Bash although he did use the arena steam vents to put himself out. However he is still flammable and this could be exploited. However Sir Killalot is the most known House Robot for a reason. He’s iconic and powerful and a true force to be reckoned with.

 

So who would win this fight? Sorry Shunt but you’re first to go, theres no way you can cause any damage with your axe and even you can’t push around Mr. Psycho or Sir Killalot. Unfortunately I think Sir Killalot would be vulnerable too. Seargant Bash could set him on fire, and his tracks are exposed meaning they could be damaged and thus putting him out of action. He could however almost certainly lift over Dead Metal, Shunt and Sergeant Bash making these four all defeat able. Sir Killalot is powerful but he is smaller than Mr. Psycho and I don’t see how he could damage the colossus. He would also struggle with Growler as his claw does not open wide enough to grab hold of Growler head on. He could grab his wheels but Growler is fast and manoeuvrable and should be able to easily evade Sir Killalot.

 

Seargant Bash has the problem of his Flamethrower being ineffective for the most part and his pincers not being big enough to grab any House Robot. Dead Metal while tough to take out has a similar problem as his pincers would struggle to grab the biggest house Robots and his saw would not cut deep enough to put them out of action. Cassius Chrome cannot inflict anywhere near enough damage to win this fight, although theoretically his fists could displace Killalot’s track. I think Killalot is too big for Cassius Chrome to bring down however with his underpowered weaponry and he could easily be toppled over by his Lance.

 

The final three are Mr. Psycho, Growler and Matilda. If I had told you one of the original four House Robots would win you would’ve laughed at me but I think you can see where this is going. Yes the once picked on Matilda I think would win this. Her shell would protect her from Mr. Psycho’s hammer and her shape would mean his claw would not be able to pick her up. His track do have protection but her fly wheel had destroyed tough armour before and I think here would be no exception. Her Flywheel would annihilate Mr. Psycho’s tracks and put him out of action. Growler also is the wrong shape for Psycho to grab and he is fast enough to avoid the hammer. Even if hit he is strong and heavy enough to survive. Being rammed at full force could do serious damage to Mr. Psycho or even topple him over if hit at the right angle. So that leaves Growler vs Matilda and I don’t fancy those wheels of Growler surviving the wrath of Matilda’s flywheel. Even if Growler could ram her he would risk having his jaws damaged by the flywheel and his jaws are not big enough to actually grab Matilda.

 

I’m glad to say the winner is the House Robot who used to be picked on by competitors. Yes it’s the matriarch of mayhem herself Matilda.

Does Anyone Else Remember Robot Wars?

Does Anyone Else Remember Robot Wars?

I remember Robot Wars. I remember the anticipation and excitement of sitting down to watch the show, waiting for the sheer destruction to begin. In fact I loved Robot Wars so much I not only had the toys, but I made replicas of the robots you couldn’t buy toys for. My mum decided to throw them away but fortunately I managed to salvage the one shown below. You may be wondering what happened to this great show. All will be revealed.

 

Firstly let’s talk about what made Robot Wars so great in the first place. I like to think watching Robot Wars bought similar thrills to watching gladiators. It’s a very similar concept, just instead of watching people die, you watch their hard work get smashed to pieces. Destruction was the name of this game.

 

When you compare Robot Wars to television shows now days there’s one crucial thing missing that Robot Wars provided in abundance. Excitement. No one can possibly claim that watching people with no talent singing on a stage is more exciting than an intense battle between 2 fighting Robots. Everyone enjoys watching stuff get smashed up and watching the all-powerful house robots demolish anything that came too close was incredibly satisfying.

 

There was also a lot of innovation and creativity in Robot Wars. The weaponry evolved, far beyond what was seen in the first series. We had monstrosities such as Hypno Disc and Razor that would completely demolish some of their opponents beyond repair. You couldn’t stand still in Robot Wars, former champions such as Panic Attack and even the only 2 time winner Chaos 2 were completely overpowered in later series. However so many robots would be rebuilt and come back stronger and better or improvements would be made. A great example of this involves the aforementioned Hypno Disc.

 

A personal favourite of mine, its fly wheel weapon was savage but perhaps the greatest display of its savagery was against a robot called splinter. Poor splinter never knew what hit it as it was torn to shreds. Below is a picture of what it looked like before the battle and then what it looked like after a few minutes in the arena with Hypno Disc. The team behind splinter did not give up though, they rebuilt it to be stronger and better, it actually fought Hypno Disc again and stood up to its ferocious onslaught.

 

This is just one example of the creativity of the teams behind the robots. There were so many Iconic moments, so many iconic robots, most iconic of all being the dreaded Sir Killalot. But even the mighty House Robots were taken on at times, even defeated. Even the mighty Sir Killalot, described in his description in the show as virtually indestructible once caught fire. The shows unpredictable nature made it entertaining, you were always on the edge of your seat.

 



The legendary Sir Killalot, just don't listen to the song

Robot Wars became so popular, that a spin off called Robot Wars Extreme was produced. There were foreign versions such as BattleBots in the U.S. There was tonnes of merchandise, magazines were produced, Sir Killalot even made a song. I haven’t even mentioned the excellent commentating from Johnathan Pearce and the interesting look behind the scenes we got as we got a close look at the damge inflicted to the Robots. This was one of, if not the most defining and important show BBC 2 had. So what happened?

 

Remember how I said the show was unpredictable? That began to change. The producers of the show got more involved, staging other teams sabotaging each other’s robots for our ‘entertainment’ like this was some dumb reality show. They tried to produce drama with ridiculous moments such as having husbands and wives and separate teams battling each other. Robot Wars was eventually moved to channel 5 but here it got even worse. They made a ridiculous rule that stated that all robots must have a moving weapon, a stupid idea that prevented robots such as fan favourite stinger from being able to compete as technically its weapon was static. The biggest controversy of all involved a robot called Storm 2 in the seventh series.

 

Storm 2 didn’t look like much at first look. It was basically just a box on wheels. But watch it for a while and you’ll see why it was so good and successful. It was extremely fast and accelerated at immense speeds. Not only that it was tough, it attacked by simply ramming its opponents and did so to great effect. Once it rammed another robot with such force that when it rammed it into the arena wall the impact sent the poor robot flying out of the arena, giving Storm 2 victory. However for some unknown reason, the shows producers took up a vendetta against Storm 2 for not using its flipping arm enough, a flipping arm only there to satisfy the moving weapon clause. In the arena there was a pit that lowered. Any robot that fell in would instantly loose. Storm 2 pushed a Robot called Tornado into the pit, but it was raised to allow Tornado to escape. Storm 2 eventually won the fight, which happened to be one of the best and most entertaining I think in the shows history. Worse however was to come.

 

In the grand final of series 7 Storm 2 was to fight a robot called Typhoon 2, an impressive robot in its own right and one of the most destructive we’d ever seen. It however was no match for Storm 2. Storm 2 was bossing the fight when the spinning Typhoon 2 hit the arena wall shattering it. The battle was put on hold as the arena was fixed and the Typhoon 2 team were actually allowed to do some much needed repairs to their robot. The fight resumed with Typhoon 2 patched up but it was still battered. All it did was break a small chip off the corner of Storm 2, like what a chipped teacup would look like. A clear victory for Storm 2 right. Right?



Typhoon 2

The judges were given false information. The shows presenter Craig Charles was told to hand the chipped piece of Storm 2 to its team for dramatic effect to prove that Typhoon inflicted more damage, despite that it had to be repaired mid fight. Charles announced that Typhoon 2 was the winner and even the crowd booed. The editors of the shows placed the sound of a cheering crowd over the top so the viewers wouldn’t know. The fight had been fixed. The Robot Wars world championship was filmed shortly after and Typhoon 2 was mysteriously unable to compete. Everyone know it was because of the toll its battle with Storm 2 had taken on it. Storm 2 went on to win the world championships.

 

Robot wars had become a children’s show, not a family show like t was intended, suitable for all ages. It had become more interested in drama than what the point of the show was in the first place, the battles. The scheduling was change over and over until the show was cancelled completely. Soon after the shows that had taken inspiration from it had died out too. Robot wars was dead.

 

Fan Favourite Stinger

Or at least that’s what I thought. Last year I went to Comicon in Birmingham. I was dressed at the Joker and I was excited to see all the costumes. What I didn’t expect was what I found at the back, a robot combat arena. Robots were battling throughout the day, I even saw the famous Stinger. Huge crowds gathered around the battles, my friends who never watched Robot Wars excitedly watched as a flipper robot flipped its opponents high into the air. We were at Comicon a place crammed full of interesting things and yet people crowded round just to get a view of robot combat.

 

I decided to do a little digging and I found at that Robot combat is as prevalent now as it ever was. Robot combat events occur all over the world, it’s just unfortunate that they are not televised. While unfortunately the Robot Wars arena was scrapped, the House Robots are still intact, they eventually ended up with a team called Team Roaming Robots who have the intention of either returning them to working order or if they can’t then creating replicas.

 

The show may be gone but its legacy lives on through the robot fighting competitions. I was never fortunate enough to be able to see the show live, but seeing some battles at Comicon showed me that Robot combat still has the appeal to succeed. After all, there was never anything quite the same as watching robots smash each other to pieces. Perhaps all hope is not lost and one day we can see the return … of Robot Wars, Goodbye. So glad I got that quote in here.