My Clubbing Experiences

My Clubbing Experiences

 

People of 18 years such as me are apparently supposed to live for the nightlife. For those drunken raves and big blur of keeping those drink coming from the night before with a super fun hangover. To celebrate the fact that my Saturday night is going to be spent blog writing and talking to my cat I decided to document my three clubbing experiences in a completely serious and in no way sarcastic manner.

 

When I was told about what clubbing was like I was confused as it didn’t sound like fun to me. Thus I figured I could try and discover the point in going to nightclubs. Now I have been out 3 times and these are my findings.

 

Night 1.

This night was not exactly a clubbing night. What actually happened was I went out with my then work colleagues. After work my 2 colleagues and I needed to wait for the 2 other colleagues to finish, so working in a cinema we decided to watch a movie. Unfortunately we watched Lets be Cops. Being in a cinema screen there were no sharp objects at hand so I had to sit through the entire film. Eventually after what felt like 27000 years the film ended. Then I had to wait for my female colleagues to get ready. There’s a sexist joke in here somewhere but I’m far to mature to acknowledge it. Once they were ready we left the cinema and went to a pub.

 

I'm still not sure what the brown liquid was

 My manager, being a nice Chap decided he wanted to buy us all a drink. This posed a very interesting problem. At home I drink cups of tea and glasses of water. However apparently pubs don’t serve tea and water would not be buying a drink for the manager. While I would’ve been perfectly happy with a refreshing glass of water my manager insisted he buy a drink. Since I do not partake in the consumption of alcoholic beverages he presented me with a strange brown liquid. I drank some of this brown liquid and was amazed to find it was fizzy. This made me ponder on the very interesting question of who was the first to think that drinks would be improved by fizzing. Then asked whether we should go somewhere else so we said okay. Then we left.

 

We then went to a small nightclub. On the way in one of my colleagues was questioned whether she was 18 so our manger said she was so we could go in. I was presented with more of the strange brown liquid. I thanked my manager for his purchase and then we sat at a table outside where it was quite quiet.. Then we talked about some things. Then 2 of my colleagues went off for a moment leaving me with my 2 females colleagues. They were having a private conversation so I decided to look at the wall. It was made of bricks.

 

Soon all my colleagues returned and we were outside so it was cold. Then a man came to us asking us if we had a light for his cigarette but we didn’t so we said no. Then a Women came to talk to us about whether we were having a nice night. My colleagues didn’t seem to want to talk to her so I took it upon myself to speak with her. After a pleasant conversation for about 10 minutes she said her goodbyes and returned to her group of friends. After that nice lady left me and my colleagues conversed some more until we stopped and then went home. It was a fun evening and despite my concerns this clubbing thing seemed quite good.

 

Night 2.

During the second night of Freshers week Liverpool’s student union was doing a clubbing thing with someone from Radio 1 playing. It didn’t sound very appealing but some other people were going so I did too thinking it’d probably be okay once I got there.

 

I started off by observing some people play a strange game where they put some playing cards in a circle and then looked at them before having a drink. I wondered why the cards were necessary if they were just going to drink anyway but I figured they had their reasons so I didn’t ask. However this game confused me as no one seemed to win so I was relieved when it finished.

 

The glass I had my water in was actually green
 and the sink was white, not silver

I then went to something called “Pre-Drinks” which is a strange thing where people drink before drinking. It seemed odd as it wasn’t really pre anything, it was just drinking, and thus it was very poorly named. However I decided to get into the spirit of things by drinking a cup of tea before drinking my glass of water. We then had to go and get the bus to the student union. One person said “let’s go and get the bus”.

 

I lined up in a queue to get in and then walked into a room lit with flashing colourful lights and loud noise. I was told that this noise was music although this didn’t seem likely as it sounded nothing like the sounds my friends guitar makes. I wasn’t impressed with this but I figured I should stay for a while and try to find the point of all this. Soon I stumbled into what was probably the only other person in this whole place who wasn’t drunk so I decided to talk to this guy. He was from Liverpool. After a while we were running out of things to talk about so I showed him a picture of me on my phone where I was wearing a purple jacket and lots of make-up on my face.

 

Then I met someone called Matt. I told him my name was Matt and he found this very interesting. He put his arm over my shoulders and told lots of people who went past that we had the same name. He seemed to think this was funny so he must have been on a far higher level of intelligence as I didn’t get the joke at all.

 

Afterwards I offered to offer my sober buddy a drink. He told me to buy drinks you had to go to a place called ‘The Bar’. It sounded like a strange magical place so I went to it. There was a problem though. To get to ‘The Bar’ you had to win a wrestling match against all the other people who wanted to obtain a beverage. Unfortunately I am a badminton player and thus am not good at wrestling, hence I ended up getting knocked around all over the place. I eventually reached the bar and asked the person giving people drinks for some lemonade. She however didn’t seem to speak English as she assumed I meant lemonade with Jack Daniels in it. Since I do not consume alcohol of any kind I was not satisfied and asked her to give me what I asked for. She made another one but this time remembered not to put Jack Daniels in it which was nice. It was certainly a comedic misunderstanding.

 

Then I went to the room next to the one I was in. It only had white lights flashing in here and it was so loud I felt quite nauseous so I left. Thanking my lucky stars I managed to escape before I felt any worse, I decided it was a good time to leave.

 

Night 3.

I had to go to this club because otherwise I would have been left by myself. I realised nightclubs had an entry fee but I figured it would be around £2. When I realised I had to pay £5 I decided that I would not spend any more money in this establishment. Me and the people I was with went inside and sat at a table. They tried to convince me to have an alcoholic drink but I don’t drink so I didn’t. Still not understanding the point I decided to go and explore, hoping I would find a purpose to all this. I went up some stairs and found a man playing on a slot machine. He asked me if I wanted to play but I remembered the £5 entry fee so I declined. He then asked again so I said no again. I continued to walk and found a locked door. Disappointed I went to sit at the table with the people I was out with.

 

They seemed to find it very amusing watching each other drink. It was confusing as I didn’t understand why watching people drink something is funny. Then they did a strange chant which ended with a countdown starting at the number 8. This was also confusing as most people start their countdowns from 10. I asked the girl sat next to me about this but she didn’t hear because she was too busy laughing because someone had finished their drink. I assumed it was funny since she would have to buy another one.

 

The one of the guys at my table told me he thought Blackadder is funny. I agreed.

 

A person with a camera then walked over and took a picture. However I hadn’t given her my permission to take a photo of me and therefore she was breaking the law. I called the police and she was swiftly arrested which let me carry on trying to discover the purpose of this strange place.

 

Afterwards someone offered me some fluorescent yellow drink from a large jug as he told me it had no alcohol in it. Fortunately I used my immense intuition to work out he was probably lying. I said no thank you to his offer. 

 

A person walked over to me and shook my hand before talking to someone else for about 5 minutes. He then said it was nice to have met me before walking away. I think he was mistaking me for someone else.

 

Lots of people told me I should drink something alcoholic. I told them I don’t drink so they looked at me, looking confused and bewildered. They stared at me in a confused manner. They seemed to find something about me very abnormal. I can’t figure out what it was so I decided to discuss something else but they walked away.

 

The last part of this strange experience took place very closely to the source of the loud noise and flashing lights. The floor was different for some reason. I asked where we were and someone told me it’s called a dance floor. I was confused of what this place was for. Apparently you do something called ‘dancing’. Some people showed me what to do with this dancing thing, apparently you wave your arms around in random directions. I didn’t really understand the appeal of this dancing thing. I figured something must’ve been different for them and me but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I continued to ponder this as I drank my water and the other people continued to drink their alcoholic drinks. After this dancing thing was finished it was time to leave so I went to the exit, making sure to not step in the vomit that was on the floor.

 

I still don’t think I understood this clubbing thing. I think if I go again I will take a jigsaw puzzle for everyone to enjoy together.