Introverts and Extroverts

Introverts and Extroverts

I was sitting with a large group of people, having a discussion about something I can’t remember when someone talked about someone they dislike and said “They’re such an introvert”. Confused, I asked what was wrong with that to which they just shrugged it off. It got me thinking, what is bad about being an introvert or are they just misunderstood?

 

What actually are introverts and extroverts? The first thing google says is an introverts are shy, reticent people. This is the general consensus but it is not true at all. In fact being shy has nothing to do with being an introvert, it is very possible to be a sociable, self-confident introvert. An introvert is someone who energized by being alone and concerned with their inner world rather than external things. An extrovert meanwhile is someone who is energized by being around people.

 

We all need our time to relax and re charge. If you’re an extrovert then chances are in your spare time you try to meet up with people a lot and spend all your time with other people if possible. But is it so hard to believe some people need their time alone to recharge? It doesn’t make them unsociable, it means they relax in different ways and just because you may enjoy your alone time, it does not mean you don’t enjoy spending time with people. It just means after time with people you need some time alone, this is the definition of introvert. In fact 60% of the worlds gifted population (Look it up) is made up of introverts. You could easily be an introvert without even knowing it.

 

It is common for an introvert to sometimes want to spend some time alone, even away from people they are comfortable with. As I said earlier an introvert will like to spend time sieving through their own thoughts and reflecting on past experiences and thoughts. Even if they have great social skills, this time alone can be key to an introvert feeling secure and content. It’s similar to an extrovert needing time with people to socialise and talk about anything that comes to mind. Neither is a bad thing, it’s just different aspects of their personality.

 

Introverts can often enjoy talking with people just as much as extroverts, it’s likely to be the desired topic of conversation that is different. An extrovert will often enjoy or be happy with talking about anything. This can be from deep discussion to general small talk about anything that comes to mind. It is also more likely to be in a large group. An introvert will likely prefer the deep in depth discussion about ideals, ideas and concepts, not just random small talk. An introvert is more likely to think before speaking. They can thus be wittier but then again can add less in a big group. It can be more reserved but thoughtful. This mirrors the kind of thoughts during the alone time.

 

Everything I have said so far does not negatively capture being an introvert in any way. It also does not say anything bad about being an extrovert, it’s is simply a different trait in a person. I also don’t want to generalise people into these two categories, in fact introvert and extrovert are the two extreme levels of a scale, everyone has a bit of both in them, just usually more of one than the other. So why does introvert have such negative connotations?

 

Maybe it’s because introverts are rarer. They take up about 25% of the population while people with more extrovert like qualities are more common. It is easy to be wary of what’s different, equally old presumptions and stereotypes can be difficult to forget. However I think there’s more to it than this.

 

People think introvert just means shy. Shyness is the product of nerves and anxiety, while introvert just defines how you can be re-energized. Maybe people do just misunderstand what an introvert is and don’t realise people they like or even themselves have these qualities. Going off alone to re-energize doesn’t make you un sociable or depressed, if anything an extrovert who has to spend a lot of time alone is far more likely to be depressed. I think they key is to embrace either set of qualities and just like with many things accept the people who are different. Being an introvert myself, while I dislike hearing people bad mouth people like me I am incredibly glad I know a large number of extroverts. They have qualities I lack and I’d like to think I have qualities they lack and if nothing else I’d be very bored if we were all the same and everyone was as great as me.

Comparing People to their Facebook Posts

Comparing People to their Facebook Posts

Typical Facebook conversation?

It is incredibly likely that every single one of you reading this uses Facebook. You’ll struggle to ever find someone who hasn’t at least heard of the website. You would think something so popular would be something that makes us all feel good …

 

What kind of things do people post on their Facebook walls? I went through my Facebook news feed to find out. I went through pages of posts and only really found 4 different types of posts. They were as follows:

1.       Complaining about something/ Talking about how sad you are

2.       Advertising Something

3.       Showing Off/ Telling everyone about how great everything is

4.       Something ‘Funny’

I’m going to discount point 2 as advertising something is not really relevant. Someone wanting to sell something does not reflect on them or their personality. Instead I’ll start with point 4.

 

This is something I do quite frequently. It seems obvious really, say something funny. We attempt to say funny things all the time in conversation. However that is with the intention of making people around us laugh. Posting something on a Facebook wall doesn’t give you the satisfaction of seeing the people around you laugh. So why do we do it?

 

Point 3 is something no one would admit to doing, but admittedly not just on Facebook. The difference here is people tend to show off more frequently on Facebook and without the subtlety we use in real life. Strange considering the people we brag to on Facebook we will probably not actually speak to.

 

Point 1 is something everyone is familiar with. We all talk about how pathetic it is or how they should talk to some people instead. There’s something here none of us are considering.

 

I mentioned earlier that Facebook doesn’t always make us feel good. Facebook is like a social comparison. Take someone with low mood. They could log onto Facebook and scour their news feed. It’s highly likely seeing people talk about how happy they are and how great everything is going for them will lower your own self esteem. It’s not that you wish anything bad upon them, it’s that you wish well upon yourself. You’re comparing yourself to them. In a low mood you don’t think that all these people are posting are the good moments. But instead you compare your own bad time to this small glimpse of them, despite the fact that they could easily be in a similar place to you.

 

Facebook is one of the worst places to go in a low mood. The best way of describing this I found was someone calling Facebook: a place to indulge in self destructive behaviour. It’s easily done. It doesn’t take a lot to make you feel worse. But there’s more to it than that. There is an addictive quality that needs to be mentioned. I knew someone once who couldn’t stop themselves checking the updates of an ex. What were they hoping to see? The chances are it’d just be a random piece of good news from the day, something to make the person I knew feel worse. Were they hoping to see their ex feeling sad? They weren’t that kind of person, no matter how bitter they felt at the time. So why did they keep checking?

 

This is not a rare occurrence and not just with exes. In fact experts in psychology have discovered that social media attracts lonely people looking for companionship. Why is this? Let’s face it, it’s a lot easier to post on Facebook than actually talk to people, especially for people with low self-esteem. For some of us talking to people isn’t easy, especially about things that are troubling us. Posting on Facebook and using messages isn’t like talking to another person. It’s easier sure but often the person will need an actual person to talk to, not just a computer screen.

 

So why do people feel the need to talk about how great everything is? I will refer you all to a concept called impression management. This is the process through which people attempt to influence others perception of their image. Does this seem familiar? It should, social media is saturated with impression management. We live in a society where it is considered more desirable to be an extrovert. There’s a lot more to this than simply introvert and extrovert, however that’s a post for another day. Facebook gives a very good opportunity for people to exhibit their extrovert traits. Whether it’s posting photos of a night out or talking about your great day then you are using your positive experience to convince both everyone else and yourself how well rounded and happy as a person you are, free of your insecurities. Maybe this is true but you’re not gaining anything from telling everyone about it.

 

Or do you? There’s a concept known as social snacking. Just like snacking temporarily and briefly reduces hunger social snaking, briefly reduces loneliness. It should be noted that the people who mostly react with our posts are people who we interact with regularly, who probably know everything we said in our post. So we’re just trying to show off a certain part of yourself … sounds a lot like that impression management thing. There’s more though. People with more friends on Facebook are more likely to damage their own self esteem more. But why? Most the friends we have on Facebook aren’t really friends at all, more like acquaintances. I talk to about 5 people on Facebook regularly. I have 169 friends (Used to be 170 but someone blocked me, but I have no idea who). That is under 3% of my Facebook friends. Of these 5 people only 2 do I actually meet up with in person regularly. Yet I don’t care about adding new people. People who do according to recent studies are looking for more people to reach out to. For the small buzz when someone adds you. It’s just more social snacking.

 

There’s something else about people who post regularly though. I found a very interesting study from the University of Berlin. People who update regularly will feel lees lonely for updating, regardless of the number of likes and comments. This seems to make little sense. However people crafting a post can make them feel more connected as people posting will often have a target audience in mind. I can certainly think of times thinking of the people I’d want to see my post and I bet everyone reading this can remember something similar. This is another example of social snacking.  It’s about feeling socially connected to people, which makes the actual level of response seem irrelevant. 

 

So what does all this mean? It means we don’t see what a person is really like through Facebook or any social networking site. Only the very best, or the very worst will come across. Ever wondered why it is far easier to hate someone’s online persona than the real person? The same applies in opposite, it can feel easier to become attached to people online.

 

What is the solution? Personally I’d advise reading my blog instead of checking Facebook. My blog won’t hurt your self-esteem unless you’re a die - hard fan of Voldemort and you can’t accept Godzilla would monster him in a fight. But if you do insist on using social media then don’t be put off. There are plenty of positives. I made some good friends from messaging on Facebook first. What happens when you compare people to their Facebook posts? You’re not seeing the real person at all, only what they want you to. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go and tell Facebook how completely amazing my day has been … sat at home … talking to my cat.