Comparing People to
their Facebook Posts
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| Typical Facebook conversation? |
It is incredibly likely that every single one of you reading
this uses Facebook. You’ll struggle to ever find someone who hasn’t at least
heard of the website. You would think something so popular would be something that
makes us all feel good …
What kind of things do people post on their Facebook walls?
I went through my Facebook news feed to find out. I went through pages of posts
and only really found 4 different types of posts. They were as follows:
1.
Complaining about something/ Talking about how
sad you are
2.
Advertising Something
3.
Showing Off/ Telling everyone about how great
everything is
4.
Something ‘Funny’
I’m going to discount point 2 as advertising something is
not really relevant. Someone wanting to sell something does not reflect on them
or their personality. Instead I’ll start with point 4.
This is something I do quite frequently. It seems obvious
really, say something funny. We attempt to say funny things all the time in
conversation. However that is with the intention of making people around us
laugh. Posting something on a Facebook wall doesn’t give you the satisfaction of
seeing the people around you laugh. So why do we do it?
Point 3 is something no one would admit to doing, but admittedly
not just on Facebook. The difference here is people tend to show off more frequently
on Facebook and without the subtlety we use in real life. Strange considering
the people we brag to on Facebook we will probably not actually speak to.
Point 1 is something everyone is familiar with. We all talk
about how pathetic it is or how they should talk to some people instead. There’s
something here none of us are considering.
I mentioned earlier that Facebook doesn’t always make us
feel good. Facebook is like a social comparison. Take someone with low mood.
They could log onto Facebook and scour their news feed. It’s highly likely
seeing people talk about how happy they are and how great everything is going
for them will lower your own self esteem. It’s not that you wish anything bad
upon them, it’s that you wish well upon yourself. You’re comparing yourself to
them. In a low mood you don’t think that all these people are posting are the
good moments. But instead you compare your own bad time to this small glimpse
of them, despite the fact that they could easily be in a similar place to you.
Facebook is one of the worst places to go in a low mood. The
best way of describing this I found was someone calling Facebook: a place to indulge
in self destructive behaviour. It’s easily done. It doesn’t take a lot to make
you feel worse. But there’s more to it than that. There is an addictive quality
that needs to be mentioned. I knew someone once who couldn’t stop themselves
checking the updates of an ex. What were they hoping to see? The chances are it’d
just be a random piece of good news from the day, something to make the person I
knew feel worse. Were they hoping to see their ex feeling sad? They weren’t that
kind of person, no matter how bitter they felt at the time. So why did they
keep checking?
This is not a rare occurrence and not just with exes. In
fact experts in psychology have discovered that social media attracts lonely
people looking for companionship. Why is this? Let’s face it, it’s a lot easier
to post on Facebook than actually talk to people, especially for people with
low self-esteem. For some of us talking to people isn’t easy, especially about things
that are troubling us. Posting on Facebook and using messages isn’t like
talking to another person. It’s easier sure but often the person will need an
actual person to talk to, not just a computer screen.
So why do people feel the need to talk about how great
everything is? I will refer you all to a concept called impression management.
This is the process through which people attempt to influence others perception
of their image. Does this seem familiar? It should, social media is saturated
with impression management. We live in a society where it is considered more desirable
to be an extrovert. There’s a lot more to this than simply introvert and
extrovert, however that’s a post for another day. Facebook gives a very good opportunity
for people to exhibit their extrovert traits. Whether it’s posting photos of a
night out or talking about your great day then you are using your positive
experience to convince both everyone else and yourself how well rounded and
happy as a person you are, free of your insecurities. Maybe this is true but
you’re not gaining anything from telling everyone about it.
Or do you? There’s a concept known as social snacking. Just
like snacking temporarily and briefly reduces hunger social snaking, briefly reduces
loneliness. It should be noted that the people who mostly react with our posts
are people who we interact with regularly, who probably know everything we said
in our post. So we’re just trying to show off a certain part of yourself …
sounds a lot like that impression management thing. There’s more though. People
with more friends on Facebook are more likely to damage their own self esteem
more. But why? Most the friends we have on Facebook aren’t really friends at
all, more like acquaintances. I talk to about 5 people on Facebook regularly. I
have 169 friends (Used to be 170 but someone blocked me, but I have no idea who).
That is under 3% of my Facebook friends. Of these 5 people only 2 do I actually
meet up with in person regularly. Yet I don’t care about adding new people.
People who do according to recent studies are looking for more people to reach
out to. For the small buzz when someone adds you. It’s just more social snacking.
There’s something else about people who post regularly though.
I found a very interesting study from the University of Berlin. People who
update regularly will feel lees lonely for updating, regardless of the number
of likes and comments. This seems to make little sense. However people crafting
a post can make them feel more connected as people posting will often have a
target audience in mind. I can certainly think of times thinking of the people I’d
want to see my post and I bet everyone reading this can remember something similar.
This is another example of social snacking.
It’s about feeling socially connected to people, which makes the actual
level of response seem irrelevant.
So what does all this mean? It means we don’t see what a
person is really like through Facebook or any social networking site. Only the
very best, or the very worst will come across. Ever wondered why it is far easier
to hate someone’s online persona than the real person? The same applies in
opposite, it can feel easier to become attached to people online.
What is the solution? Personally I’d advise reading my blog
instead of checking Facebook. My blog won’t hurt your self-esteem unless you’re
a die - hard fan of Voldemort and you can’t accept Godzilla would monster him
in a fight. But if you do insist on using social media then don’t be put off.
There are plenty of positives. I made some good friends from messaging on
Facebook first. What happens when you compare people to their Facebook posts?
You’re not seeing the real person at all, only what they want you to. Now if
you’ll excuse me I need to go and tell Facebook how completely amazing my day
has been … sat at home … talking to my cat.
